How I wish I could start this article by saying that everything is perfect in my life, but of course, it is not, and what makes it even more difficult is that I also work in the field of personal development; Since every week, I help my clients overcome their problems and challenges, but at the same time, I am still working on my problems.
Note: This article is taken from the coach and entrepreneur Simon Lovell, in which he tells us about his experience with self-destruction.
But I am writing this article with enthusiasm. This is because as long as we are committed to growth and determined to become better people and evolve entrepreneurs, we can make a deeper impact. In the sense that the more willing we are to overcome harm, pain, suffering, confusion, and grief, the greater our ability to give, why? Because we will understand others more deeply.
Misery is defined as “a state or feeling of extreme distress or discomfort affecting the mind or body”; Where I started my journey with this feeling when I was 13 years old, and the entrepreneur in me did not fully appear, until my body froze to protect itself, here are some lessons I learned from the experiences I went through:
Lesson 1: “Problems Make Entrepreneurs”
I have finished a rugby match With a group of popular kids and I entered the bathroom, I passed by the captain of the team who started yelling “he touched me” at the top of his voice, and at that moment about 30 other boys stood next to him and said abusive words to me.
Every day in school from the ages of 13 to 16, I had to keep my guard up; To avoid being verbally abused or physically assaulted, so what did I do? I secluded myself in the computer room and created a digital magazine called Megabyte, which focused on reviewing games that were being played on computers. Commodore Amiga(Commodore Amiga), Looking back, I can say with confidence that this is where the entrepreneur was born.
I later learned that since I used to be bullied at school; Because my body was always in fight-or-flight mode, I had no “normal” framework to compare my experiences to; Therefore, during my adult life, everyone became a threat and I became overly judgmental of people, and of course, I sought the approval of others; I started getting addicted to certain habits to calm myself down, but in essence, I was walking around the world looking at it with fearful eyes and seeing many people as insecure.
Lesson 2: “We can change, but we must be willing to look into our past to identify the events that caused the pain in the first place.”
Money and the unhealthy definition of success became a huge addiction for me. This is because through them I sought to build relationships and find love, so the big house, sports cars, and material life became my focus when I was going through emotional challenges such as a breakup or any event that reminded me of those events from my past.
The one thing I know to be true from working with many entrepreneurs is; is that two main areas impede transformation and the ability to live happily again. The first is ignorance of what causes inner misery; Where we act in a certain way and have unhealthy behaviors, but we allow them to continue; This is because we do not believe that it will change, and this is a lie. Where we can change, but we must be willing to look to our past to determine the events that caused the initial pain, and the second is to realize the cause of the suffering, but not want to take any action.
By “behave” I mean; Speaking openly to someone and being willing to “take a risk.” We need to speak up, express real feelings, and have someone help us realize the life we could live rather than the life we live. This is pivotal; This is because it creates a space for us to change and make different decisions. Sometimes this requires going through a new process and feeling the same feelings again, and this is what happened to me; My mind was focused on the past until I visited a school where I wasn’t bullied.
Lesson 3 “One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves as entrepreneurs is openness to others”:
The source of my misery was the lack of sensations, not knowing how to feel my body and my feelings; As a result, I was surrounded by a shell that I did not know existed, and this allowed some people into my life, but many of them were toxic and did not want to recognize me for my sake; It’s just that what I had, the energy that “isolation” took away from me wasn’t my fault, but it was my responsibility to examine it and overcome it.
One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves as entrepreneurs – especially if we’ve been through a lot of hurt in our lives – is showing others who we are. And not the smiling and jovial version associated only with our bodies but not with our minds; The vulnerability, extroversion, honesty, and empathy businessman is in all of us, and we just have to be willing to connect with him and then embody it over time, sometimes with a little help.